Put him in it

[A vivid memory of a conversation I overheard on our Hilton Head vacation in August 2021; some say I embellished this memory; I say this is exactly how it went down :)] 

Voices as I heard them in the next room: 

Someone said: Well, we have a golf cart available. The neighbor said we can use it anytime. Even if we don't want to use it, we must. Because it's there.  And it's available.  And the neighbor has already been told we're going to use it. So it's our duty. It'll be good for Dave. Even if he doesn't know it. And who cares about all the rain? It'll be great. We can go to the beach, happy hours, restaurants, stores, fishing, miniature golfing, Bluffton, Savannah, Europe, we can do it all!  It'll be awesome.

Someone with common sense interrupted: Yeah but wait, you can see that Dave isn't getting around so well, right? He can barely stand on his own, he can't really hold a fork or a spoon, he got stuck in a couch yesterday while napping, he's wearing last night’s french fries on his shirt, and he almost slithered off the side of that rickety, two-person tricycle contraption we put him on, so what are you thinking? Won’t asking him to get into a golf cart be stressful for him? 

The evil person spoke again: Silence! Enough of that Debbie downer talk. He'll be fine. Here's my plan: we'll just back the golf cart up to the front steps, carefully lure him out of the house with M&Ms, and then we will … PUT HIM IN IT!’  If he asks why, we just convince him that he wanted to BE IN IT! He'll never know the difference.

Common sense person: Wait, what? We back the golf cart up to the front stairs. Lure him out with M&Ms.  Put him in it.  Falsely convince him that he wanted to BE IN IT!

And the only reason we do that is why? 

Evil: SO HE WOULD BE IN IT!

Common Sense: And then what? 

Evil:  Easy …. WE LEAVE HIM IN IT!  Not forever of course. Only until he falls out of it and we can pick him up and then hobble him to the beach the next day, set up a chair, and PUT HIM IN IT. That way, we can go in the water and frolic with each other for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours without worrying about him. Make sense?

Common Sense: But what about sunburn? We forgot about him in the chair yesterday and you saw what happened: he got third degree burns. Or what if he's impaled by a kite being flown by that blind kid we saw that was all hopped up on Snickers bars?  Or swarmed by yellow jackets we attracted by all the empty alcoholic ‘juice’ boxes and beer cans we left laying at his feet? Or crapped on by flying pelicans? Or injured by that family playing full contact, UFC volleyball on a blanket two feet away? Or what about dangerously flying Snickers bar wrappers that can cause life threatening lacerations?

Evil:  What about it?