THE BIDET

[an email to the boys October 2nd 2021]

Hey boys,

I've been bored on our second floor now for two weeks as they renovate our downstairs and just wanted to share my new discovery with you. The ”bidet” (pronounced ‘bidet’)’.  Now many of you are likely familiar with it already, but I wasn't. It's a water fountain you hook up to your toilet seat with handles, buttons, levers and such that you mess with to spray water on your butt. No muss, no fuss, no wipey.  I got the portable kind that you attach to your existing toilet seat which only costs $50. I highly recommend getting one.  All you have to do is disconnect all the water supplies to your toilet, strip or break all the fittings, watch the water leak all over the floor, laugh at others as they try to assemble the new hoses to the fittings that no longer work , and then supervise others as they mop up all the water. In the end, you just sit on the toilet, play with the buttons and make the water spray. There are all kinds of settings. Light duty, medium duty, and then John Baron duty, the setting you use after a kielbasa, sauerkraut and sausage breakfast. At times I use it even if I don't have to go. For example, if I'm bored after watching Netflix for 12 hours, I'll say to Ann Leigh “I'll be right back.  I'm going to play on the bidet.” And she'll say, “OK, be careful and call me if you need anything.”  And off I go.  Last night, I filled the toilet bowl with seltzer water for extra zing. It seemed like a good idea but probably won't do that again. As you can imagine, this is all a learning process. Next week, I'm thinking to liven it up by adding food coloring to the water (not red, I don't want it to get weird). My own little Las Vegas in a toilet. Anyway, I needed to share and who better to share with than you guys.  

Gotta run. Ann Leigh just found a slinky in the attic for me. It's gonna be a good week. I'll keep you posted.

Dave